On materiality, mattering, appetites and searches

intro

This is a narration of a performance.
Made by fragments of texts written to me.
I have made the edition of these fragments.
In order to build a memory of what I shared.

I have always liked the idea of a text made by many hands.
A heterogeneous text made from different perspectives.
This is the result of a gathering work of a different readings and ways to experience an event.

What originated this text was a work-in-process of my research.
Something between lecture performance-walk the talk-unfolding a kaleidoscope...
Showed in PAF (Performing Arts Forum-France), the last days of November, 2019, as a part of the end week of the Looming Score Block, curated by Lilia Mestre and Sina Seifee (a.pass).
The performance was made by me,
The questions were formulated by Nicolas Y Galeazzi[1] (to whom I asked to formulate them),
The answers (what you will read in the following pages) were written by: Lilia Mestre, Magda Ptasznik, Adriano Wilfert, Sara Manente, Nicolas Y Galeazzi, Kasia Torz, Rui Calvo, Chloe Chignell, Flavio Rodrigo, Sina Seifee, Jeroen Peeters, Piero Ramella and Adrijana Gvozdenovic.
Thanks to all them for their generosity.

[1] 1) What did the presentation materialize? / What is the materiality of the presentation? 1b) What did matter to you in the presentation? 2) Did you get any kind of appetite of another relation to the material? 3) Where could Anapaula search for the materiality of your appetite?

materiality

The contact to the world that informs about oneself

Video, screening, performer (body) and performers (objects), text, descriptions, lights, lamps, science apparatus,
US […] Your body. Presences of objects brought into light in compositions so also the presences of these compositions.
Body-matter-sensuality-erotics,
A certain way of bluntness, of -matter of fact-which I like.

Your performance materialized in the relation that you draw between desire and matter.
It materialized very individual, particular connection between you and the world. It showed your body entangled with the bodies of objects, things, states, matters. It materialized your ethical and affective connection.
I felt materiality not only in concrete things, in things we can touch. It's present in the way you listen to others, create relationship with thoughts (yours and of the others), an attention to all that surrounds you. As I was close to you the last months, I had the feeling that everything that you live (or you eat?) "touches" you and you "materialize" it into something.

The presence of your body and of the cardboard, the glass of water and the knife. All of those made both your and my body more present to me. The objects all triggered a kind of anxiety in me, like: the glass is going to fall, she will cut herself, the cardboard will fall. And somehow even if I wasn’t rationally worried, my body matter spoke to me of these possible small catastrophes. This created a strange conversation between me and my body matter.

You moved through many registers of performing in the presentation. From reading the script in a formal way to talking about your personal history which animated your body, in that you were gesturing with your hands and smiling whilst talking about this dance. Then you physically perform with the knife and your own arm as props. So you appear differently,…

You bring to the present [space-time] a very intimate relationship with things as they are, and not with the idea or interpretation we have about them.
There is a hypothesis about the classical Greeks that says that, at this time of history, men and women talked the things and not about the things.
When I see you I have the feeling that you are living the thing itself and not the idea of it.

How do things create desire? Marketing knows best! But actually, what does it help to know about how desires are created, beyond being better prepared against the attacks of these (capitalist/exploitative) sources? How can I keep agency over my desires, without exploiting the objects myself? Without getting detached and alienated from the emphatic capacity that I develop together with the things?
Your performance somehow materialized your perception. Your perception on relations to others (jeroen, me) It materialized through a personal count. Is it finally still a narrative?

what matters

Desire matters!

Your skin, balance of holding the glass of water without dropping it, the danger of your arm facing the knife, the way you took revenge from your mentor, your fatigue, your delicious English voice, your search of a way out of knowledge, the way you made fun of the term "material semiotic...", your way of centering what you can know around your physical self, your naked body (as the image of the body prepared to "feel" more) handling the cardboard (as the image of the body that doesn't desire you as a person),
generosity: something was shared with me without prescription or how I should appreciate or use it.
It rised a sense of my presence within the world full of others entities,
manifested the entanglements of entities, matters;

The somewhat haphazard and clumsy preparation of the first dance
mattered to me, it appeared to me as a profoundly material as well as
relational moment. Anapaula getting up and dragging a chair, burdened
with a bag and a piece of clothing, from behind the table into the room,
while holding a glass of water into her left hand, then also placing the
reading lamp in a similar fashion. It was an apparently non-deliberate
(?) gesture that contrasted with what followed, namely the highly
controlled, sphinx-like dance with the glass of water, and set the tone for reading this.
In the same time the possible small catastrophes made your body matter present in different ways. It’s opaque to me exactly how it was present. And maybe that’s exactly what makes it specific or what made you matter to me

Your position was something that mattered to me. It seemed you are always pointing outwards, but it seems the objective of the search is internal. To talk about desire and then to distribute questions to another or to talk about other conversations, you point outside of yourself. You seem to be observing your own research, with your desire as an alienated subject. So there is an incongruence between the subject and the method. This is interesting when it unfolds another, lets say a third space, of thinking/acting.

Desire matters!

appetites

Appetite for more

(Appetite to see you on the move)
(appetite for transformation)
(appetite for intimacy partially colonized by visual capitalism)
(appetite for negotiation with what is given to you and me)
(appetite for mimesis)
(Appetite for more)
(Appetite for Love)
(Appetite for humour)
(Appetite to go further /to think forward)
(Appetite to pay more attention to all that surrounds me)
(Appetite to be touched)
(Appetite for honesty)
(Appetite for singularity)
(Appetite for something that I cannot named yet, it's a bit scary, but in a good way)
(Appetite for checking my emotional status)
(Appetite to bite)
(Appetite for failure)
(appetite through paradoxes)

I would like to see you more on the move - to see you moving. Your bodily presence is powerful. It would be great to be daring in it. In relation both to the contextual images you presented (for instance a gif with the scheme of digestive track) and the matter as such (carton board). (Appetite to see you on the move)
to burn the cardboard down (appetite for transformation) to consume your body (appetite for intimacy partially colonized by visual capitalism) to talk to you about memory of dance lessons and pedagogical past (appetite for negotiation with what is given to you and me) to try the glass balance practice (appetite for mimesis) ]

It felt, as if new materialism wasn’t anymore an abstract interest, but a challenging question. What is that glass on your head? How do you master it? By being in very close conversation. Or does it master you? Does it make you to the master of that dance? Same with the knife. It’s potential is not a projection it’s not at all equally to you, or to anything else, the difference is real. But you created it different. More as a researcher that needs to understand the difference. I kind of think you stated (sorry for that association) loving the Material. The performance went beyond emotional attachment. (Appetite for more)
Love as a (one possible) relational practice, beyond and/or within care; just love, or love through taking care. Love, desire, care, exploitation, merge, converge,- affect. Does the knife desire you? Does the cardboard has an agency? Objects act on you with through their given purpose. (Appetite for Love)
(I also liked the contrast between the text being spoken from behind the table and simultaneously projected, say the contrast between the oral/embodied andthe written/abstract.) There is a playfulness in this, as well as humour. (Appetite for humour)

How does the body position relates to the image? Had to think about performance art and the symbolic/semiotic value of matter/objects. One thing that came to mind was ‘Semiotics of the kitchen’ and this by the objects you used. Glass, knife, lamps,…Where does home come in the perception of the world as you describe it? Also the video with the cardboard wall didn’t come to me as cardboard material but as a surface of separation, a wall, a place where division can happen. Me and the other. (Appetite to go further /to think forward)

Appetite to pay more attention to all that surrounds me. Appetite to be touched.

My appetite is precisely in the works (or searches) where honesty is evident. (Appetite for honesty) Your Mexican body is very significant, it is not any body that is in contact with all the materials with which it works, this I also see in your presentation and the way that your historical and geographical body assumes is beautiful. (Appetite for singularity)

…in the conversation or relation with my body and your body and with the objects. Both fragile/nervous and steady/grounded. I can’t exactly describe the relation, but I feel appetite and it’s a bit scary, but in a good way. (Appetite for something that I cannot named yet, but it's a bit scary, in a good way)[
I got an appetite for checking what is the emotional status of my relation with materiality. (Appetite for checking my emotional status)
I was thinking about biting and my kid biting me when he loses the control. Does his desire come from his digestive tract? Is it in between? Is it a materialization of desire? Wanting to eat me? To hurt me? To digest me? (Appetite to bite)
Failure (what are we succeeding in when we are failing?) (Appetite for failure)
I got appetite through paradoxes -of disappearing to protect desire -of digesting in the blind spot -to materialize wanting is to want in secret. To want within. (appetite through paradoxes)

the creation of desire

What if matter is, organic; animalistic; biologic? Does that change something? (In terms of love) What if matter is phantasy, fiction, mystic, mythological….. ? Does that change something?
What if you (and me too actually) could use the methods used in therapy for working with yourself…Or Ana Halprin methods that are used to recognize one's emotion…
Intuitive movement or drowning but not to use it as a material but to recognize your attitude and specific interest.
Two references came to mind: Ana Mendieta’s practice (at least all the works I know) and Bruce Nauman’s score for how to have an erotic experience with a wall.
Also I am curious about the sea. Now I experience a lot of earth, it’s grounded deep, slow and trembling. Would be curious about the ocean: deep, vast, forceful and polydynamic.

I was thinking about this piece of Julien Weber in which people are manipulating a soft material while receiving a blowjob and (what is a blowjob for women?). Direct relation between physical pleasure and control/non control on manipulating a material which doesn’t have a shape yet.

try them (the other appetites) with somebody who differs and cares for you (not alone), you don't have to figure things out by yourself:
- in nature, by smelling the city, getting immersed in sensations.
- by getting in touch with other artists / also those who are not alive anymore.
For sure with Ana Mendieta, Teresa Murak.
- by meditating
-by enacting the entanglement of matter and the inseparability of forces of oneself and the world. To work in junctures of her self in the various layers of composition, biology, history, culture, gender, performativity, form, art etc....If you shifted from thinking the objects as mediators between you and the world and the body itself as an interface, then how do you think with and inside the body that is an interface? What are its agencies? How does it register information, memory or desire or affect?
-more on humour. "Oh, this is very conceptual, but I like it." Taste
is seldom expressed in artistic and theoretical contexts, and yet, when
expressed through humour, it is light, precise and personal (and it
quite literally gives 'appetite' a place in the proposal).

I loved how your project shifted the focus of the cartons for your body, which is unique in its own narratives. With this you opened up for new materials that constellation orbit around your body. The space between your physical body and the different matters that orbit around you, create a third body, significant and symbolic.